Natch

How do you improve upon a song 15 years after initially recording?



Playing it fucking live with shit-heavy drums and noisy synths and that.

Rebel devil

I did up this picture in Photoshop many moons ago (file date says April 2004), something I did to totally rip on a guy I'd known online for years and who was being kind of an asshole, in retaliation to me being an asshole, I believe; so it really was probably unwarranted, but being the turd that I was at the time, I could not resist.

It shows off my exceptional (read: inept) Shooping skillz, and I'm still pleased with how the pentagram serves as a launchpad for the (coin-operated) bike. Beautiful.

The dude's name is Devilotx, a Transformers-loving fat dude. We're friends now, and I don't think we'd ever stopped being friends, but we did kinda hate each other for a while.

He was all into Satanism and such (I believe he was an official at a church for a time), and was really into ICP, using images of theirs as message board avatars and signature pics, usually accompanied by crummy lyrics. I changed my username on the board and used this as my sig pic, with the following lyrics below which I'd written for the occasion:

I fucked her in the ear
with my Colt .45
watching her squirm
and hearing her scream before I pulled the trigger
Firing the bullet that symbolized all my hate and disgust
And contempt for the world she blindly so loved
For she loved the world and happiness and all things nice
but she left me...thinking me a monster
That was reason enough to kill
She sucked the schlong of another
The cold-hearted bitch...
I'd thought many a time of tearing out her heart
and feasting upon it over my unwieldy hog
my shining beauty...
the only thing that now matters in this world
My badass ride, forged from the steel of
the most evil Decepticon, Starscream
in the deepest fiery layers of hell itself
We ride through the night, dark alleys, neighborhoods, and grocery store aisles
slaying those that love God...our enemy
Beridding all those that cast me out, shunned
mocked, laughed with such scornful fear
for yes, they fear
they fear as they see me and my ride come at full force
I carrying the pipe that mashes their frail faces
Spinning their bodies out of control, to slump to the ground
dead.....and bleeding
I laugh at them...laughing at God
laughing that the heaven they desired did not exist
for all there is is Satan, the Devil, Lucifer, Beelzebub, Prince of Darkness
.....my fair friend
A rider for evil,
such is I;
and my loathsome fat body
shall never rest
till all self-described good are perished
My ex-wife was one to be put down...and I did just that
and I..........was satisfied...........

A masterpiece, is it not? Did I mention this was right after his wife had cheated on him? Yeah, that's fucking low, I know...

Anyway, I was going through old image files and decided to share this, to make an online archive of it.

BLOWJOBS FOR STEVE JOBS

ought to be the title of a film documenting the insane amount of books and films coming out that are all over Jobs' dead nuts, all these assholes making a buck off a man's death.

Porno fighters

Found these titles I had jotted down in my phone's memos; remember the titles but dunno why or when I thought 'em up. Likely something I giggled about just before zonking out for the night/real early morning just as the sun's rising.

Oral Kumsplat

Super Teat Biter 2 Turbo

Available to play on your Pooper Nintendong.

(OK, this may be the most juvenile, retarded post I'll ever make. Or it very well may not be.)

"I'll give you a romance"

Is it possible for a single music video to be THE GREATEST music video ever made? I think so; I also think I've found that video, which has been my favorite for a few years now.

The song: Frankmusik's "3 Little Words". It's the second version/video of the song, and this thing just fills me with a whole boat-truckin' load of joy.



It was produced by one Stuart Price, who's big in the UK but if you asked anybody here who that is, they'd likely say, "Huh? Wha're you tal'i' abou'?" He had this little project called Les Rythmes Digitales that launched him into stardom at the turn of the century and he's been a much sought-after producer and remixer ever since. Darkdancer is one of my favorite albums, a very retro-sounding electroclash/synth pop kind of affair (it along with Daft Punk's Discovery convinced Felix da Housecat to drop the bump--bump-bump-bump---bump-bump-bump---bump-bump-bump house tunes in favor of a more electroclash sound), and I own it twice over: the US release, which has an additional track and some different mixes, and the re-released UK edition with bonus disc (and I'd get the LP for the long mix of "Dreamin' " if I had the means to play it).

Anyway, in short, Stuart Price (also known as Jacques Lu Cont) kicks ass, and it's perfect that he'd lend his talents to this hit electropop song by a young wanker in his 20s who thinks he's all that. (Sorry, Vincent Frank—wait, I'm not: you seem like a cocky asshole, but I love your music all the same. I may also just be a little bit jealous of all the hot poontang you bring home.)

So the song rips and roars, but why's the video so good? In a few words: epileptic spazzo, supremely cute girls, cool dance moves, fruity colors, giant keyboard, and just an overall energy that really drives me to full-mast. It's sunny, it's eelektronique in the truest sense, it's warm and fuzzy, and gosh I wish I were snuggling with that blond right now and always. Brunet is babely also; love that little choo-choo train thing they do around 1:53.

Here's the first version of the song, which also kicks ass.



I find myself enjoying this self-produced Frankisum EP version more, but the video, while fun, has nothing on the major single release. Though strangely, I think I like the third mix, the Complete Me album version, most of all... (Similar to the single mix, being co-produced by Price, but having the roughness of Frank's production style.)

Time to go watch the single version for the hundredth time before going to bed. And hopefully dream an endless dream of snuggling with the blond gal.

The Incomplete List of Movies That Need to Be Turned Up Really Loud in Order to Be Enjoyed Fully

- The Transformers: The Movie (1986)
- Mad Max
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)
- the first twenty minutes or so of Akira

More to come.

Best commercial

Now you may be wondering, "Mr. Swank, what is your absolute FAVORITE commercial OF ALL TIME?" Stay awhile and listen.



Truly the greatest commercial I've ever seen.

This was directed by one of my favorite filmmakers, Shinya Tsukamoto, and features music by one of my favorite bands, Nine Inch Nails. The latter needs no introduction nor explanation, but let me tell you a bit about Tsukamoto.

He's crazy. He's insanely gifted. He did this little black and white independent film in the late '80s called Tetsuo: The Iron Man. It's my favorite of his films, and one of my absolute favorite movies ever. Go see it. It's available to watch on YouTube. It's also currently available on Netflix streaming.

The MTV Japan advert above was done in the same hyperkinetic weird-out style as the first Tetsuo film. Wild stop-motion, body horror, clangy sounds, all with a strong punk/cyberpunk attitude. Tetsuo, this commercial, and the short film Denchu Kozo no boken (which translates to The Adventure of the Young Electricity Pole Priest or something absurd like that, and can be viewed on YouTube—I recommend it) are the only films of Tsukamoto's, to my knowledge, which are done in this style—though other films, like Sogo "Dragon" Ishii's superb(ly noisy) Electric Dragon 80000V (trailer) capture the same kind of look and feel as these.

Right. Buncha shaznat nobody else really cares about, but at least I get to pour my heart out.

(Originally posted December 23, 2010.)